This is about the potentiality of me being a psi vampire. That is not to be confused with the term used to further stigmatize people with cluster B disorders (I have one of those disorders) who aren't actually vampires in the sense I'm speaking. When that term is used in its stigmatizing & co-opted form, it's about a one-way drain. The so-called "vampire" doesn't actually receive energy like an actual vampire would.
I thought I would be too old to awaken as I'm 27. This may not even be an awakening, though. I entertained the possibility a few times since I first found out about it when I was 14 or so. This could be me coming to terms with it more than an actual awakening. I'm not sure if I am really a vampire but something in my gut says this is right. If I learned anything about my gut feelings (especially recently), it's that I should trust them more. One of the main things making me consider vampirism is that one of my non-traditional energetic alignments is Void. Void is a vampiric energy more often than not.
I tried consciously feeding recently for the first time. I went with ambient/stray energies as I'd rather not intentionally drain anyone without their consent*. That did something to me and made me feel like I both wanted & needed way more. I'm not quite sure if it means anything but I went for a day or two without doing anything. I simply blocked out all energies and it made me feel sick until I decided to feed again. Taking down that shield was the only thing that helped me. I actually needed that energy.
I do have some draw to actual blood as well. However, I'm not sure if that one is actually more fetishistic and not really a need or what's up with that. If it is a need, I find I can cancel it out with psi energy to such an extent I rarely experience any desire for it. If it's not a need for me like psi energy is, well, then it's probably a fetish. That one is going to take a lot more digging. I don't see any reason for blood-as-fetish and blood-as-need to be mutually exclusive either and to be dependent on context. Who knows? I just know my jaws start kinda itching sometimes and I desire blood right then and I can tell it's not desiring blood in a fun way. I know I find it to be a hot idea when it comes to the thought of biting my partner (consensually) to the point of drawing blood.
Well, I joined a forum and I'm reading through it to find some answers. I'm looking through all the sites focused on real vampirism that I can. This includes reading up on the "Vampyre Lifestylers" who seem to overlap a bit. From my own experience thus far, I'd say I likely am but I need to keep on researching & introspecting before I say with any certainty what exactly is going on.
*I do not have a donor and I'm not looking for one. You also would not believe the amount of freaks (derogatory) who message me about that when I open up about it on sites like Vampire Rave and are clearly thinking of it all as a romantic and/or sexual thing.